Monday, May 11, 2009

My feelings this last weekend

I must say, that it was not as enjoyable as I would have liked. For a great post on what how I felt go here and read Molly Piper's post. She is so much more eloquent in her words and thoughts, but she nailed what I was feeling the whole day.

So me, I was grumpy, but hiding how I was feeling. At church when people told me "Happy Mother's Day" it took all I had to say it back and hold back the tears. For me it is a bitter reminder that I don't have all my children in my arms. So many are carefree and don't know or realize that it is not a happy time for everyone. I was a little jealous of a couple of my friends who did not go to church that day. They had other reasons, or maybe the same, but they were able to escape, which is all I wanted to do. I spent my whole morning lying to people when they asked how my Mother's day was going and told them it was fine. For who wants to hear the sucks and I want to have both my boys here with me.

The title of Molly's post "Do you want to die this Mother's Day?" I have to answer yes and no. Yes, because I long to hold dear Micah again and that will be the only way that I will ever be able to do so. And no, because I know that God still has work for me to do here on Earth and I am not ready to leave Zane or David (even though they both drive me crazy more times than not). But I love both of them deeply and don't want to miss a moment of my time with them.

So yes, this is a little late, but I just could not pull it together to post something earlier.... Happy Mother's Day to ALL mother's....For I believe as soon as you conceive you are a mother. Some of you who read this have had miscarriages, a still born, early infant death, what ever has happened to your baby, you are still a mother, your job is just different. I thank God for all of you and know that I love you and my heart aches with each of you.

1 comment:

Julie said...

I also dread Mother's Day. This year I stayed home (instead of going to church) and it was wonderful. I think I'll do it every year. I hate lying and saying "it's been a great mother's day!!" I've not read Molly's post, but going to read it now.