I have had a mom ask about why Micah died. Which I never thought to post our birth story. I figure it would be helpful and therapeutic. Here it goes.
I found out I was pregnant while I was still breastfeeding Zane. I had not started my cycle and took five, yes five tests and still did not believe I was pregnant. It was when we heard Micah's heartbeat that I knew I believed I was pregnant. We found a wonderful midwife and were planning a home birth. I followed the Brewer Diet and watched my blood pressure. When we reached 30 weeks I felt relief (for Zane was born at 29 weeks because I was pre-eclamptic). There were no signs of pre-eclampsia and everything was going fine. I had a liver screen done which showed NOTHING wrong. We did this because my fundal height was stationary for four weeks. Then it "caught up". We hit 36 weeks, which is when you can birth your baby at home. The day that we had our home visit my blood pressure was elevated (150s/mid 80) and my proteins were off the charts. We decided to start natural induction (strip the membrane and some herbs to soften the cervix). Micah's heartrate was 140. The midwives stopped by to check on Friday morning. Again, no change in my condition and Micah was still at 140. They then came on Sat. Jan. 12, 2008 to check to see how I was coming along. It was about 8:30 am. We did everything involving me. Then when they went to find the heartbeat, they could not. We went to the hospital, and had an ultrasound to confirm what we already knew. They then gave me mag.sulfate and pitocin to do the induction. At about 1 pm they gave me the epidural. Then Micah was birthed at 5:02 pm.
We do not know the exact cause, but it is believed that I had pre-eclampsia the whole third trimester. For Micah was 3 lbs 10.5 oz, the size of a 30 to 32 week baby. I had all these tests done, and everything on Micah's side of the placenta was fine, but my side was 5% calcified. The placenta was also very small. My OB believes there is something with my body and third trimester. There are a lot of unknowns and a lot of what ifs, but those questions are because we want the answers, but God's perfect plan was for Micah to be in His arms.
Thank you for asking. We were not prepared to say goodbye before we said hello. But God was preparing us the whole time. Through my friend's baby and how she prepared and our talks. The talks I had with my friend I was pregnant with here, which prepared her how to react towards me. It also gave me the knowledge to say things to her that I knew she was thinking because I had thought the same thing. It was also great to be able to show the Gospel in action to the nurses and other medical staff. It has introduced me to some wonderful women and I have learned how to step back and re-evaluate what and why I am doing things. I treasure Zane even more. It has also brought David and I closer. Even though I would prefer to be holding Micah, I see there are things that I have been able to do with Zane that I would not have been able to. Like today, we went and had breakfast with the tortoises (more to follow).
I know that God's will is prefect. It does not make sense to us, and may never. But I know that I will hold him again. 2Samuel 12:22-23 says:
..."While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept, for I said, Who knows whether the LORD will be gracious to me, that the child may live?" But now he is dead. Why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he will not return to me."
I have the knowledge that I will hold Micah again. I also know that he is playing with David and Ethan, they are whole and perfect and never felt the pain of this world.