10 Months

Ten months ago today, we said hello to Micah, but not before saying goodbye. I must admit that I have been having really good days for quite a while, but then everything turned around. I was blessed to be with a dear friends' family when their baby boy was born. It just so happened to be at the very same hospital where we delivered Micah. I admit that when I walked in and saw his mom, I almost lost it. But I kept it together by God's grace. While waiting, I meet with one of the grief nurses in the labor and delivery area of the hospital and while talking to her the lullaby song played. She proceeded to tell us it was because a baby was born. What was weird was that she said they wait to play the song until the mom and baby are transferred, but it so happened that it was also the exact time that the baby we were waiting for was born. This broke my heart knowing that Micah did not receive that recognition. When I got home I lost it. This was the first time to be around a family that is just finding out about their new baby and the first time I was back in the hospital for a delivery of a baby.

Then, I just started to bawl today while driving. I had no clue as to why. Then I looked at the clock. It was just after 9 am. The time when we learned that Micah did not have a heartbeat and headed to the hospital. I miss our baby boy so much and long to hold him close to me. I want to hear him cry, laugh, talk. To see him play with his brother, to be the family that everyone looks at and wonders (and asks) how did you get TWO red heads. In which we know, but joke that it is the mailman. I wish I did not have to say I have two children and explain that God gave us the privilege of raising one and the other is safe in heaven. I can't wait to see Micah again. For I know that when that day comes I will be where there are no more tears, no more pain, no more sin, no more darkness and that I will be in the presence of my Lord and Savior. As I pass some other firsts during this first year, I know that I will continue to have more road blocks.

I love you Micah and miss you more than I thought I could ever miss anyone. Can't wait to see you again and get to know you.